Christmas Cards

One of my many favorite things about Christmastime is receiving Christmas cards! I love getting a stack in our mailbox, seeing the latest family photo, reading up on the happenings from the past year, and just admiring all the different types of cards! I just love it!

Up For Display
Every year I try to be creative with how I display them; tape them on our our sliding glass door, hang them from Ikea green and red clothes clips, stack them in a bowl (no way!), but this year I arranged them on a CB2 Cable Photo Cord held stationery by a mighty, tiny, little magnet. One year I kept the cards up on display until after Valentine's Day.

The List Keeps Growing
For several years I made other people their own specialized Christmas cards for $1.00/card with special services (printing labels on the envelope, licking the flaps closed, or putting the stamps in the corner). Each family had a different size number on their mailing list: some had a list of 50, most had 100, a few had 300, and one had a list of 500 names. Whatever the size of your list, how do you determine who to add or who to take off of your list?

(I just have to add here that this is the first year I didn't make our own Christmas cards, but I ordered them from Shutterfly by the October 31st deadline to cash in on the killer discount. They are able to produce my cards cheaper than I could ever make them on my own.)

I'm Not On Their List
Well, the other day I was at my friends house when I noticed two cards from mutual friends. Not so unusual, except, I didn't receive those Christmas cards myself. They sent their cards to me last year, but not this year. Yes, my feelings were a bit hurt, and it got me thinking about our Christmas card mailing list.

My Mailing List
On my mailing list I have family (of course), cousins (even though some do not send me a card, I just send them one anyway because how rude is it not to even send your own cousin a Christmas card), friends from college, roommates from years gone by, my husband's friends, friends that I have known a very long time, friends from church, my boys' friends' family, and new friends. So my list grows and shrinks year by year.

When to Take Them Off The List
So the big question is when do you cross people off your list? I have friends on my list that I have not seen for years, but I love them and I want our lives to intersect back to each other and I couldn't bare to cross them off the list. It's like crossing them out of my life. Christmas is sometimes the one time of the year that gives me a window into their lives for the past year.

I don't cross people off the list if they still send me their card, but there have been people I didn't know very well anyway who I don't see much and I can't imagine how are lives will intersect again type of people who I cross off the list and feel okay about doing that.

My boys have also been in on the Christmas card mailing list, because they too fancy to send a family card to their friends as well. And, for the most part, we are friends with the parents of our kids' friends anyway.

But, at what point do we cross them off? Some people stike out people on their list that they haven't seen for half the year or their kids don't hang out with the other kid so off the list they go.

Friendships Come and Go
It seems our lives are so disposal to some. Friendships come and go. As I receive my cards I think about friends who used to send me cards who don't any more. How did I get off their list? I just crossed a friend off my list after thirteen years of sharing cards and lives. I must confess, it was difficult and it sadden me to do it. I so wished our lives and our familys' lives could have intertwined, but after not receiving a card for the past two years, regretfully, I knew I had to finally release this friend from my life.

In this festive time I have to say I get a little sadden for every card I don't receive. I love sending Christmas cards and I just love receiving them so please add me to your Christmas card mailing list because I love to hear your stories and see your smiling faces. (I know, so gushy, but it's Christmastime so I'm allowing myself to be a bit sappy.)

Merry Christmas to my fabulous blog friends!

The Controversy Continues

This summer I slacked off a bit on updating my blog (can you believe it?). When I was ready to start paying attention and getting back into the weekly routine of posting, I thought I should check in to see how the blog was doing - was it still alive and breathing and was anyone still reading it?

Well, low, and behold the report read that my blog readership went up 250% this summer! Holy Moly! So then I did some investigating work to figure out what was going on and what post people were reading. Sure enough there were two posts that were still alive and kicking. It was one post in particular that was getting the majority of the readers.

I Don't Agree With You Carolyn Hax on "Why don't friends with kids have time?" has continued to be a controversial article and no one can really agree. I wrote it back in February of 2009, but somehow this post keeps living on.

Please visit the post and share your opinion. You can leave a comment in an alias, anonymous, or for goodness sake, your own real name. However you do it, I would love to hear from you.

Next week I will share my follow up comment.

Until then, enjoy the October weather.

“The Good Wife” and All That Showbiz

For the first almost two years of our marriage we didn’t have a TV.

No Television
We didn’t miss it. Really we didn’t, except in March during college basketball season because my husband is a big fan. So, he would get together with friends and watch it at their house. Other than that we got used to not having it around. My husband and I live very active, busy lives and there is not much time for a TV addiction.

Our First Television

While pregnant with our first child, someone donated their television to us. It was a small one, but big to us, and we propped it up on our beat-up coffee table in the corner. We were able to tune into two network stations and that was only when we put the “rabbit ears” up, the flexible kind, and we would tape them to the wall and sometime we would have to hold them just right while watching a show. The picture was never clear and always fuzzy, but we got used to it. Come to think of it, we have never bought a television and our current one was also given to us.

“Charlie’s Angels”

Growing up I would watch “Charlie’s Angels” when I got home from school and then my sister and I would sneak in “Three’s Company” in the evenings sometimes when my mom was not paying attention to what we were watching (she didn’t like that show).

“Friends”
When I moved away after college and shared a condo with three other roommates, I would watch “Friends” because I so much identified with what they were going through and watched the show until the very last one. Now, I would watch it if I was around on a Thursday night, but never fret if I missed one. Later on in life I would watch the re-runs occasionally and catch the ones I missed.

“ER”

Later I started watching the series “ER.” Yeah, back in the day of George Clooney as Dr. Ross and Anthony Edwards as Dr. Green. I loved their friendship and how they talked while playing basketball and Dr. Green would cover for Dr. Ross when he came into work with a hangover. After Dr. Ross skipped town, the show was never the same and it started getting old. Before we were married, my husband when come over and watch the show with me.

“Grey's Anatomy”

Just last year my husband and I rented three seasons of the dvd series “Grey's Anatomy,” but never watched as it aired and now we lost complete interest in that show (too much casual sex for us to support). After Danny Duquette (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) died, I just didn’t like it any more (just loved his character).

New Shows

Clif’s mom is temporarily living in our spare bedroom, transformed from garage and she couldn’t live without her pylitheria of TV station selections so she had cable installed in the house. We started watching “Modern Family” and Flash Forward.” We set it up so it would record if we miss it. We will be losing cable at the end of the month.

The Good Wife
Then one day when I was online I saw an ad for the “The Good Wife.” I watched the pilot episode and knew I was hooked. I set it up to record in case I wasn’t around Tuesdays at 10pm, but I usually don’t miss it. What is fun is that Julianna Margulies is the main character and she also played Nurse Hathaway in the ER series, George Clooney’s love interest and they had twins together in the show, back in the day.

If you don’t know anything about this show:

“The storyline focuses on Margulies as Alicia Florrick, the wife of Peter Florrick (Noth). Her husband, a former Chicago state attorney, has been jailed following a very public sex and corruption scandal. She returns to her old job as a litigator to rebuild her reputation and provide for her two children.[6] The series was partly inspired by the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal,[7] as well as by other prominent American political sex scandals, particularly those of John Edwards and Bill Clinton” Wikipedia

I have always wondered how these women handled life after a very visible scandal. How do they and their children continue a healthy life after their husband and father’s scandal has been so public?

Yes, I’m hooked and I know there a lot of you out there hooked too because I see you all twittering about it.

TV as a Babysitter
Isn’t it funny about television though? We get a sneak snapshot in other people’s lives and sometimes forget about living our own lives.

When I used to bring my kids to 24 Hour Fitness, the child care workers would always put a TV show on to keep the kids calm. Sometimes my boys would just watch a movie the entire time I worked out. One time I came in and they were watching the” Wizard of Oz” and I told the workers that show really is not appropriate for little kids. (I was about nine when I saw that show and those flying monkeys scared the begezeers out of me.)

I know I’ve done it too: used the television as a babysitter. When I’m busy or have a deadline I will put the television on for my boys so they are preoccupied and not argue and fight for a little bit of time. I also don’t let them watch Cartoon Network (they might be in cartoon, but they are so rude to authority!).

Now they don’t really ask to watch television any more, they want to know if they can play the Wii or their pre-approved computer games.

How Much Do You Watch?
Okay, so some of those shows were probably not good for my mind, but yet I sit and watch them for the sole purpose of entertainment.

My husband and I watch about two and half hours of TV a week. That is not counting a movie maybe once a week and Monday night football when it comes back around. Occasionally I watch a bit of the "Today Show" and my husband catches up on sports news. The boys are only allowed to watch TV but only on weekends and only ½ hour of Wii or computer time during the weekdays.

What shows do you watch? How much do you let your kid’s watch? How much is too much? Do you have limits on TV, computer, and Wii or Xbox time for your kids or yourself?

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Can Men & Women Really Be Friends?

I think YES! I am a true believer that men and women really can be friends. Each are in the other half of the population and if we didn't have a male or female friend, well, I just think we would be missing out on learning more about life and others.


Movies on the Subject
One of my all-time favorite movies is, "When Harry Met Sally" (ya knew I was going to mention this movie didn't ya?). The first time I rented this movie, when it came out way back when, was when I was in college. I watched it five times that weekend, no joke. I was blown away with this movie and how different it was than any other. It was the first of its kind and many would follow, but never beat the originality of this movie.

In the movie it tackles the questions of can men and women can be friends. At first they say "no." No, women and men can't be friends; but after they go through a life crisis they become friends. Then one starts liking the other and then the friendship only relationship was off.

Harry Burns: …And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Julianne and Michael were best friends for a long time in "My Best Friends Wedding." Then the relationship changes when Michael announces that he was getting married to "Kimberly." Julianne starts getting jealous and thinks that maybe she does have feelings for her long-time, platonic friend. Maybe she just wanted to keep him and their friendship all to herself or maybe she really did have some underlining feelings of romance with him after all.

But I Am Married!
But can a married man and/or woman still be friends with the opposite sex? That is the question. I think they can be friends if they abide by four rules:

1. There is some sort of understanding that there is no chance that the two will ever get together,
2. There is a respect for the spouse and the spouse is comfortable and okay with the friendship,
3. The husband and wife relationship is strong,
4. Neither one likes the other more than a friendship or has strong feelings for the other.

If any of these are not true, then cut the friendship off.

Rules to Abide
Once you are friends with the opposite sex and you or he or both are married, there are also some more rules:
1. As a female, do not flirt; for goodness sake just stop that,
2. As a male, do not make any jokes about getting together or anything of the sort,
3. Do not talk personal stuff about the husband wife relationship,
4. Keep your friendship on a "professional" level.

Our Opposite Sex Relationships
I have always encouraged my husband to keep his female friends who he knew since before we met. Of the teams he coaches (and yes they are many) he coaches a city-wide women's ultimate team. Some of those gals have known him for longer than he has known me. I actually like knowing that he has a friend, that is a girl, other than me. It adds new perspective in his life. Although, I would like to add, that I know without a shadow of a doubt I am his best friend and he would never jeopardize our relationship so I am comfortable with these outside friendships.

Those People With Extreme Limits
Now, speaking from a female perspective, I do know some men who are kind of “weirded” out about females other than their wives. They don't hug ya and they don't spend more than two seconds talking to you at a party all-the-while their eyes are darting around searching out the party goers to see if anyone is watching them chat with you for those two seconds. Okay, I will honor that and I will never be friends with someone who doesn't just look at others as other human beings who can add just a bit more value in their lives (yes, I know, they could also have a jealous girlfriend or wife and need to be careful or maybe they are attracted to you and need to step away). People have limits and I will always honor those limits.

Working Relationships
I have worked with several men over the years and some in close proximity. With them I might ride in the car to business meetings, occasionally eat lunch, sometimes talk over the phone, and/or frequently exchange e-mails. I find these practices perfectly comfortable and normal, but regularly check myself to make sure that I am always honoring my husband in all that I do and say.

Question

So what do you think? Can a married man or women be friends with someone of the opposite sex? What other rules do you have for this type of friendship? Do you have such a friendship and how do you not jeopardize it as well as the spouse relationship?

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I Don't Agree With You Carolyn Hax on "Why don't friends with kids have time?"

There is an article floating around out there from Carolyn Hax's column "Tell Me About It" titled, "Why don't friends with kids have time?" Even though this column appeared in the May 2007 Washington Post, it has somehow been resurrected and is becoming an infectious email sensation among moms all over. I searched for the article online and discovered it was is a common conversational piece on other people's blogs as well. I read other comments from those blogs and Facebook posts and as far as I can see, I am the only one who adamantly disagrees with Carolyn Hax's reply. Here is the article:

Dear Carolyn: Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group... OK. I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners ... I do all those things, too. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events); I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and
enjoy, but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a contest ("my life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks have the same questions. — Tacoma, Wash.

Dear Tacoma: Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or, you're lying about having friends with kids. Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some
keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, because it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, cleaned, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library;
to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too
hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces checkout-line screaming.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything — language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand, or keep your snit to yourself.

First of all, Tacoma has a very legitimate question. She says her other friends with no kids are asking the same question. You can be a child psychologist, childcare worker, teacher, or work with kids in any other type of profession, but if you don't have kids, one really has no idea the constant demands of having children.

Second of all, although I appreciate her legitimizing all those parents out there, especially our stay-at-home-moms, but should our kids really be an excuse for not keeping in contact with our friends? Tacoma says it was her "Best Friend!" What kind of best friend just dumps her friend because she is busy with her kids?

Now, I have two boys, and I have stayed at home with them and I have worked full time and I can absolutely attest to the fact that just getting time to yourself is like a diamond - so difficult to find and yet so valuable when in possession. But, did her friend say she went to the park, library, museum, walk with her kids? Does she go to the zoo or Sea World on Saturdays? Does she walk to the store on Sundays? Now why did she not invite her friend? Of course her friend eats, so why doesn't she invite her best-friend-with-no-kids over for dinner? What is wrong with that? She could talk to her why she folds clothes, she could text her while she is in the museum, she could invite her along to those weekend events. Sure, "hanging out" doesn't look the same as it did pre-kids, but we can invite our friends into our lives oppose to pushing them away saying that there lives are just not the same as the other people lives anymore. Tacoma is reaching out! She does want to know, otherwise she wouldn't have written the letter.

Before I was married, my friends who got married before me often would exclude me from their lives. I was even in a wedding and called her a month later and she said, "Sharon, I'm married now, I don't have time for you anymore." Let's not be friends with people just out of convenience, because you are both single, both married, both have kids, both divorced. Let's keep our friends for life. It takes effort and creatively, but if they are up for it then they will join in too. How fun is it when everyone looks the same and does the same thing? Not as fun. Let's be faithful to our friends and just think what a great example you will be for your kids to also be faithful to their friends no matter what.

What are your thoughts on the issue? How do you keep up with your friendships?

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"Love Everywhere"

For the third time this month I have watched the movie, "Love Actually" (released in 2003). I just love this movie for some quirky reason. The movie begins five weeks before Christmas, the setting is London, and the movie is made and produced in Great Britain. And the clip is loaded with big named English actors and actresses.

There are seven stories (there was eight, but they clipped those scenes out) going on at the same time about love. (1) There is Hugh Grant who plays the prime minister and falls for one of the gals who serves him his daily tea. (2) There is Liam Neeson (who is the voice of Aslan in the Narnia series) who just lost his wife and his step son has fallen in love with a gal at school. (3) Kiera Knighly makes her debut (shot right before she left for Pirates of the Caribbeans - the director had strongly encouraged her not to take that "silly" movie - but she did and I'm sure she hasn't regretted it) and at 18 or so she gets married and her husband's best friend (played by Andrew Lincoln) is in love with her. (4) Then we have Alan Rickman (who plays Snape fabulously in the Harry Potter series) with his wife played by Emma Thompson and he is confused because he gives a beautiful locket neckless to his assistant. (5) Then we have Colin Firth (who played the famous Mr. Darcy in the Pride and Prejudice series) whose girlfriend cheats on him with his brother and then the Colin character goes overseas to write and falls for his housekeeper. (6) Bill Nighly (whose birthday is a day before mine and also plays in the Pirates of the Caribbean series) plays this crazed rock star who sings the winning song of the year, "If you Really Love Christmas, Come on and Let it Snow." Bill's character comes out and finally appreciates his manager as his friend. (7) And lastly, and the story line that I find unnecessary, two innocent people stand in for famous people's romantic scenes. As they stand in at these sets they fall for each other. The last story line make the movie a R rating.

At the beginning of the movie they have people greeting each other at the airport while Hugh Grant, as the prime minister of England, says,

"Whenever I get gloomy about the state of the world, I think about the arrival gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion is to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. Seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it is not particularly dignified (scene of a older couple kissing) or news worthy, but it is always there. Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriend and girlfriends, old friends, new friends. When the planes hit the twin towers as far as I know the phone calls from the people on board were not messages of hate or revenge. They were all messages of love. If you look for it, I got a sneaky feeling that you will find that love is all around."

Okay, it is a bit sickly, but I liked it anyway. A bit naive in a way since there is so much hatred in the world (the wars and bitterness among countries and tribes), but a great reminder of the love we do have in our lives. In the movie they say things like, since it is Christmas I thought I should tell you.... So my challenge to you today is, since it is Christmas, tell someone that you love or care for them. Someone you have never told them that you appreciate them for this or that, or a loved one you haven't told them for a long time that you love them, or a friend that you haven't expressed how thankful you are for their friendship. Then let us know who you shared with this Christmas season.

The ultimate love proclaimed was announced at Christ's birth. God wanted to let us know that He loves us so He sent His one and only son to proclaim His love among us. This is what we celebrate today. May His message have special meaning to you this Christmas. Luke 2:8-14

Merry Christmas.