Christmas Cards

One of my many favorite things about Christmastime is receiving Christmas cards! I love getting a stack in our mailbox, seeing the latest family photo, reading up on the happenings from the past year, and just admiring all the different types of cards! I just love it!

Up For Display
Every year I try to be creative with how I display them; tape them on our our sliding glass door, hang them from Ikea green and red clothes clips, stack them in a bowl (no way!), but this year I arranged them on a CB2 Cable Photo Cord held stationery by a mighty, tiny, little magnet. One year I kept the cards up on display until after Valentine's Day.

The List Keeps Growing
For several years I made other people their own specialized Christmas cards for $1.00/card with special services (printing labels on the envelope, licking the flaps closed, or putting the stamps in the corner). Each family had a different size number on their mailing list: some had a list of 50, most had 100, a few had 300, and one had a list of 500 names. Whatever the size of your list, how do you determine who to add or who to take off of your list?

(I just have to add here that this is the first year I didn't make our own Christmas cards, but I ordered them from Shutterfly by the October 31st deadline to cash in on the killer discount. They are able to produce my cards cheaper than I could ever make them on my own.)

I'm Not On Their List
Well, the other day I was at my friends house when I noticed two cards from mutual friends. Not so unusual, except, I didn't receive those Christmas cards myself. They sent their cards to me last year, but not this year. Yes, my feelings were a bit hurt, and it got me thinking about our Christmas card mailing list.

My Mailing List
On my mailing list I have family (of course), cousins (even though some do not send me a card, I just send them one anyway because how rude is it not to even send your own cousin a Christmas card), friends from college, roommates from years gone by, my husband's friends, friends that I have known a very long time, friends from church, my boys' friends' family, and new friends. So my list grows and shrinks year by year.

When to Take Them Off The List
So the big question is when do you cross people off your list? I have friends on my list that I have not seen for years, but I love them and I want our lives to intersect back to each other and I couldn't bare to cross them off the list. It's like crossing them out of my life. Christmas is sometimes the one time of the year that gives me a window into their lives for the past year.

I don't cross people off the list if they still send me their card, but there have been people I didn't know very well anyway who I don't see much and I can't imagine how are lives will intersect again type of people who I cross off the list and feel okay about doing that.

My boys have also been in on the Christmas card mailing list, because they too fancy to send a family card to their friends as well. And, for the most part, we are friends with the parents of our kids' friends anyway.

But, at what point do we cross them off? Some people stike out people on their list that they haven't seen for half the year or their kids don't hang out with the other kid so off the list they go.

Friendships Come and Go
It seems our lives are so disposal to some. Friendships come and go. As I receive my cards I think about friends who used to send me cards who don't any more. How did I get off their list? I just crossed a friend off my list after thirteen years of sharing cards and lives. I must confess, it was difficult and it sadden me to do it. I so wished our lives and our familys' lives could have intertwined, but after not receiving a card for the past two years, regretfully, I knew I had to finally release this friend from my life.

In this festive time I have to say I get a little sadden for every card I don't receive. I love sending Christmas cards and I just love receiving them so please add me to your Christmas card mailing list because I love to hear your stories and see your smiling faces. (I know, so gushy, but it's Christmastime so I'm allowing myself to be a bit sappy.)

Merry Christmas to my fabulous blog friends!

The Controversy Continues

This summer I slacked off a bit on updating my blog (can you believe it?). When I was ready to start paying attention and getting back into the weekly routine of posting, I thought I should check in to see how the blog was doing - was it still alive and breathing and was anyone still reading it?

Well, low, and behold the report read that my blog readership went up 250% this summer! Holy Moly! So then I did some investigating work to figure out what was going on and what post people were reading. Sure enough there were two posts that were still alive and kicking. It was one post in particular that was getting the majority of the readers.

I Don't Agree With You Carolyn Hax on "Why don't friends with kids have time?" has continued to be a controversial article and no one can really agree. I wrote it back in February of 2009, but somehow this post keeps living on.

Please visit the post and share your opinion. You can leave a comment in an alias, anonymous, or for goodness sake, your own real name. However you do it, I would love to hear from you.

Next week I will share my follow up comment.

Until then, enjoy the October weather.

Can Men & Women Really Be Friends?

I think YES! I am a true believer that men and women really can be friends. Each are in the other half of the population and if we didn't have a male or female friend, well, I just think we would be missing out on learning more about life and others.


Movies on the Subject
One of my all-time favorite movies is, "When Harry Met Sally" (ya knew I was going to mention this movie didn't ya?). The first time I rented this movie, when it came out way back when, was when I was in college. I watched it five times that weekend, no joke. I was blown away with this movie and how different it was than any other. It was the first of its kind and many would follow, but never beat the originality of this movie.

In the movie it tackles the questions of can men and women can be friends. At first they say "no." No, women and men can't be friends; but after they go through a life crisis they become friends. Then one starts liking the other and then the friendship only relationship was off.

Harry Burns: …And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Julianne and Michael were best friends for a long time in "My Best Friends Wedding." Then the relationship changes when Michael announces that he was getting married to "Kimberly." Julianne starts getting jealous and thinks that maybe she does have feelings for her long-time, platonic friend. Maybe she just wanted to keep him and their friendship all to herself or maybe she really did have some underlining feelings of romance with him after all.

But I Am Married!
But can a married man and/or woman still be friends with the opposite sex? That is the question. I think they can be friends if they abide by four rules:

1. There is some sort of understanding that there is no chance that the two will ever get together,
2. There is a respect for the spouse and the spouse is comfortable and okay with the friendship,
3. The husband and wife relationship is strong,
4. Neither one likes the other more than a friendship or has strong feelings for the other.

If any of these are not true, then cut the friendship off.

Rules to Abide
Once you are friends with the opposite sex and you or he or both are married, there are also some more rules:
1. As a female, do not flirt; for goodness sake just stop that,
2. As a male, do not make any jokes about getting together or anything of the sort,
3. Do not talk personal stuff about the husband wife relationship,
4. Keep your friendship on a "professional" level.

Our Opposite Sex Relationships
I have always encouraged my husband to keep his female friends who he knew since before we met. Of the teams he coaches (and yes they are many) he coaches a city-wide women's ultimate team. Some of those gals have known him for longer than he has known me. I actually like knowing that he has a friend, that is a girl, other than me. It adds new perspective in his life. Although, I would like to add, that I know without a shadow of a doubt I am his best friend and he would never jeopardize our relationship so I am comfortable with these outside friendships.

Those People With Extreme Limits
Now, speaking from a female perspective, I do know some men who are kind of “weirded” out about females other than their wives. They don't hug ya and they don't spend more than two seconds talking to you at a party all-the-while their eyes are darting around searching out the party goers to see if anyone is watching them chat with you for those two seconds. Okay, I will honor that and I will never be friends with someone who doesn't just look at others as other human beings who can add just a bit more value in their lives (yes, I know, they could also have a jealous girlfriend or wife and need to be careful or maybe they are attracted to you and need to step away). People have limits and I will always honor those limits.

Working Relationships
I have worked with several men over the years and some in close proximity. With them I might ride in the car to business meetings, occasionally eat lunch, sometimes talk over the phone, and/or frequently exchange e-mails. I find these practices perfectly comfortable and normal, but regularly check myself to make sure that I am always honoring my husband in all that I do and say.

Question

So what do you think? Can a married man or women be friends with someone of the opposite sex? What other rules do you have for this type of friendship? Do you have such a friendship and how do you not jeopardize it as well as the spouse relationship?

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