Rewards for Good Grades?

So the end-of-the-year grades came out recently. How did your kids do? Here is the big question: do you reward your kids for good grades and/or do they get a consequence for "poor" grades?

One of our children gets good grades all the time and is completely self motivated. (Although, I have to point out, parents can't really determine how well their children are doing on their academics in elementary school with the generic marks of "Basic," "Proficient," or "Advanced" - and they only give out "Advanced" at the end of the year.)

Our other child wasn't trying very hard on his school work and so in turn was not earning very high grades (they do receive the traditional grading letters in middle school) - although we knew he had the capabilities of getting great grades. He just wasn't motivated to do his best. We saw what was happening, he didn't care, so we attached a carrot at the end of the string.

When my husband was in grade school he wasn't motivated to get good grades either. A grown up in his life told him at the beginning of the year that he would give him a dollar for every "A" that he received on his report card. Back in the day when one was graded on every little thing, and the list of possibilities inspired the young boy. That was the year he worked very hard and this grown-up person was so surprised at the string of As my husband as a young boy received on his report card. The grown up had to fork over $85.00 and my husband took the money, jumped on his bike, rode across town (when kids could ride across town by themselves), and bought himself a motorized helicopter. He will never forget that day and that helicopter was a prize well earned. The next year that grown up wasn't in his life anymore and no one offered up a reward for good grades and the young boy's grades fell and he just wasn't motivated anymore.

But then you hear of all those over achievers who tell the story of how their parents would look at the end of the year report card and ask why so and so got a "B" on their report card. Then the over-achiever child would feel so bad about themselves for not getting straight "A"s and that it affected their entire life and they never felt good enough. I heard that story plenty of times.

My son said that some of the kids in middle school got a penalty if they got a grade point average below a 3.8. They would be grounded for the entire summer.

So, what do you do? Do you reward or give consequences for "good" and "bad" grades. If you do or don't, why not?  How about if you have one self motivated child and the other non-motivated child? Do you give them both the same reward? I am interested to hear your viewpoint.

What I Learned While I Was Unemployed

The Road to Employment – Part 3 of 3

While unemployed I was, for the first time in I can't even remember how long, alone in my house for hours at a time. During that period of searching I learned a lot about myself and the world around me.

What I learned during the four months of unemployment:

Read More

What it Takes to Get a Job in This Economy

The Road to Employment - Part 2

On December 8, 2011, I was informed I was laid off of my job which I had for the last nine years. I didn’t know what I was in for then or what it would take to find another job.

This is what I did the last four months to finally find employment:

How Many –

• 11 versions of my resume

• 16 cover letters individually written depending on company and position

• 9 signed up for online automatic job search sites which I receive emails on a weekly/daily basis

• 13 online applications which is in addition to the cover letters and resumes from above

• 10 friends I networked with and sent resumes

• 5 jobs referred by friends or through personal network

• 4 potential employees wanted me to gather additional example of work either writing or graphic

• 2 essays of 1,000 words

• 1 YouTube video of why I wanted to work there
• 10 company labeld file folders of emails in Outlook

• 7 Interviews
• 2 x runner up to a position
• 4 months (plus six more of "casually" looking before laid off)
• 2 months of unemployment checks from EDD
• 1 job offer - a temporary six month position. I will be doing all this all over again in December

That doesn’t include all the hours it took just searching for jobs that would be suited with my skills. Needless to say, searching for a new job is time consuming and it takes dedication and , frankly, I don’t wish it on anyone.

If you have had to search for a new job, what did it
take you to finally accept a job offer?

Welcome to Unemployment

The Road to Employment – Part 1

Laid Off

On December 8, 2011, my boss informed me that he could no longer support my position and that I was being laid off. There were some big projects that fell through at the beginning of the year and the architecture firm was not able to make up for the loss through the year and could no longer sustain their only non-billable employee, me, their marketing person.

We had our Christmas Tree up and decorated and it was two days before my birthday party. It was a big year for me; it was the year I was going to be on top of my game, the best year of my life. I would finish writing and sell my book, be in the best shape I have ever been and finally fit back into the size I used to fit in ten years ago, look my best with a fashion style I finally adhered to and grow out my hair to the longest length it would have been since I was a little girl. Then I got the news that my “best year of my life” has now changed. Suddenly I had a deep heaviness in the pit of my stomach and the plans of the “best year” were quickly squashed.

The Best Year Turned Bad

Two days later my girlfriends came over and celebrated another year of my life. That morning, I woke up in a frantic and didn’t know what to wear so pulled on a sweater, skirts, tights, and boots on what turned out to be a warm day. I felt heavy in it, not sure if it was my style. I ran out of time to do my hair and the zit, which I hadn’t gotten for ten years, on my chin, was big and red. I felt ugly and not myself. Aren’t you suppose to feel your best on your birthday – especially the one that you are celebrating the year you were going to be your best?

I wasn’t quite ready to divulge my bad news of loss of job to my friends. A week later I sent them an email with a group photo from the party and told them of my recent news of inevitable unemployment. Not a one of them emailed me back with any words of sympathy or encouragement. Did they not think it was a big deal and not effect our family in many ways? Maybe they were hearing of the high unemployment rate and thought I would just file into line with the others. Many confessed later to have believed that it wouldn't really take me that long to find another.

Months Went By

Since then we celebrated Christmas and New Years. Two days before my last day of work I went to a Writer’s Conference, to which I didn’t have the money to pay for so felt sick about adding a big dollar amount to our credit card when we didn’t really know when or how we could pay for it later. That was the conference I was planning on attending all year. That was also the conference that I learned I needed to add 30,000 more words to my manuscript before they even considered it for print.

Then my last day of work arrived. My boss paid me to the end of February. We celebrated Valentine’s Day and every month I kept thinking the next month would be when I start my new job. March first rolled around and I filed for unemployment. It was the first time in my life that I ever filed for that status. I felt sick all day.

In March we celebrated my son’s birthday. In April I watched the flowers bloom. With all this time off, you would have thought I could have finished my projects, but since December 8, I didn’t make it to the gym, ate too many sweets and gained weight, and I didn’t once sit down to write on my book. One of my friends also pointed out that in those four months, not once did we get together for a cup of coffee.  I just didn’t have the motivation to go after what I started the year off to do.

A New Day

On Thursday, April 26, 2012 I finally got a call with a job offer. From Christmas lights to warm spring days I have been looking every day for a job. It has consumed my life and has set our family back financially by a big margin. It has been four months of the “best year of my life.” The big question is can I regain my “best year of my life” back in the next eight months?

Now, I did have some good days and I did learn lots of life lessons which I will share in some future posts. But today, I reclaim what I set out to do. Here is to eight more months to finish my year strong.

Why I Went to the Midnight Show of Harry Potter

My husband started reading the Harry Potter series to my son when he was in second grade. He even added his own animated version with different voices for each of the characters. I started filling in for him at Book 3. Each of us quickly were captivated by the story, the characters, and the eloquent writing.

How We Came to be Fond of Harry Potter

My son was eight years old at the Book 7 release in July 2007. The local library put on a fabulous Harry Potter event complete with Harry Potter trivia games and the appearance of the Night Bus. That day people came out in droves, dressing up as Rita Skeeter, Hagrid, Dobby, and many other minor and some major characters. Two different tv stations interviewed my son and he was on that night's news. At midnight that night, my husband and my son also went our local book store for the book's release.

Read to Your Child

It took a year and half for my husband to read all seven books to my son and now that four years have passed my son has read the series seven times and last summer he read all seven books in one week's time. Our entire family have also watched all the movies and read all the books (except my youngest who is currently reading book 2).

Midnight Release

So when we found out that the final movie was to be released on Friday, July 15, 2011, a summer day with no school the next day, we knew we had to be part of history and see the movie at it's midnight release.

The Critics

Now I saw a lot of status updates on Facebook Thursday expressing how baffled they were that people would be sacrificing their precious sleep time to be standing in line for hours just to be there for the midnight release when they could have been home sleeping and wait to watch the movie at a decent time. They wondered, "what's the point?"

Why I Wouldn't Have Gone

Now if I didn't have (1) kids, (2) a kid that was completely infatuated with the Harry Potter series (3) read all the books myself or (3) the ability to survive a day without eight hours of sleep I too would not have shown up for the midnight showing either.

Making Memories

Why not be a part of making memories for our kids? Why not be a part of history in the making? Why not sacrifice sleep to do something that will be down on your kid's top ten things they have done before they were 20. Why not?

I'm all about making memories for our kids - that's why we take them to places like Yosemite or Disneyland. Here it is in our own backyard (so to speak) and a perfect time in our kids' lives, why not be a part of making memories? My husband was little when he was able to be in line for the opening of Star Wars Empire Strikes Back. He tells our kids that he was there and they just can't believe he was able to be a part of a day of history. Plus, while we stood there in line, granted we were not standing in 100 degree sun, my son noticed that everyone was happy and having such a great time waiting for the movie. The fans united.

Another Midnight Showing?

There will be more book and movie releases coming out in our future, but there may not be another moment, another book, and another movie quite like this one for our family. We may never go to a midnight release of a movie or book again. Why not seize the moment and be a part of something big; making memories with your children.

But yet again, my son and husband are in the process of reading "The Lord of The Rings" series so maybe we will be awake for "The Hobbit's" release next year! Maybe. Until then....

How Do You Save Money?

Okay, so we have been told that we Americans have pulled out of a recession, but yet the jobless rate is still high and architectural billings are still low. Frankly, my husband and I are just thankful to have a job these days. Many people have lost a job and have had to be creative with bringing in a family income.
As you work with less income or only have one family member bring in the dough, what sacrifices have you had to make? How do you save money? How do you make ends meet? Have you had to change your spending habits? Do you shop differently or now cut out coupons?

The year 2009 was difficult financially for many. My husband and I both had to take a cut in pay, but we were able to make ends meet because we had a roommate for extra income and we went down to a one-car family. The year 2010 seemed to bring some promise for the next year and we went back to full salary, bought a second car, and our roommate moved out. Then 2011 hit. Both my husband and I had to take another cut in pay, but we also had a new car payment and no assistance in our mortgage payments now without a roommate. Needless to say, money got tight quick.

We have tried to be creative on how to make additionally money and we both considered picking up side jobs. My husband considered going back as a waiter and we both submitted applications for an early morning paper route. Neither of those options panned out. I responded to a photographer's request for assistance on photo editing as well as to some other part-time jobs opportunities I saw on Craigslist. Nothing fared out. If it did turn out that either one of us did pick up second job, life would have been hectic and a an additional challenge with keeping the house clean, the lawn manicured, a busy family's schedule, up with kids, and sane. So, without selling our house and moving out of town, we had to buckle down and change our way of spending.

One way we started saving money is by switching from me to my husband doing the grocery shopping. I used to shop Henry's and Trader Joes, but bulk is less expensive so my husband does all the grocery shopping by visiting Costco weekly. Okay, so I'm kind of getting tired of the same-o-same-o, but it is what it is.

I buy clothes from second hand stores, look for off season deals for 50-75% off back-to-school clothes, wait in the lines at WalMart, visit the small boutiques that often offer items at such a huge discount, and try to be creative with the items I already have. I don't get a manicure, or a pedicure, or color my hair (but I don't have grey hair either so it isn't a must). We don't have anyone coming to clean our house, or mow our lawn, or walk our dog (not that we ever had that, I'm just say'n). We also slowed down on house improvement projects. In addition to all that, we never eat out unless we have a coupon or for a summer treat at Mr. Frosties (a local ice cream place). We do, although, rent quite a few movies for $1 at Red Box.

The most recent discovery in our lives are all those sites out there that offer great deals such as Groupon, Living Social, Daily Deals, Hookup, and BuyWithMe. I love these sites and I have signed up with every one of them. I know, it clutters up my inbox, but for a savings it is worth it. One thing is one has to be careful to take a deal that benefits ones family not a deal that creates extra spending.

So what do you and your family do to save money or make ends meet during this time of economic hardship?

The State of Blissfulness: Are You Happy?

I read this book, The Geography of Bliss: One Grump's Search for the Happiest Places in the World., for my Book Group and it got me thinking about my state of happiness.

The Background

Basically, the book is about the author, Eric Weiner, who had been reporting for NPR in those worn-torn areas and wanted a break from all that tragedy and to find the happiest places in the world. He traveled to the countries that ranked high on the happiness meter (Gross National Happiness), because there are people who do rate that in the world, and he wanted to discover what made them happy. He wanted answers, because basically, he was a little grumpy and he just wanted to know how to be happy.

Hot Topic These Days

This seems to be a hot topic these days because come January Real Simple’s feature article was, “Be Happier this Year: Nine Surprising Strategies to Get You There,” and NPR had a series on being positive, essentially, how to be happy. I guess there is a recent book and website about a gal who decided she wanted to be happy so she took a year to set her life up to be just that. On our city marketing LinkedIn group someone threw the discussion out there, “Name one thing that makes you happy. During the busy work day, people still had time to respond to what makes them happy (I’ll share the responses at the end).

So, it sounds like we all want a piece of happiness in our lives and we want to know why are some people happy and some are not.

No Grumps Here

Now, I would basically say I’m no grump – I’m rather quick to smile and received “The Most Smiley” award in college, and I just love people and take extra effort to make a friend (and keep them, no here today gone tomorrow stuff!). I do have an inner peace and joy in my life just from knowing and loving Him, Our Creator, and knowing that I have a purpose in my life gives me great direction, but it is circumstances that can determine if we are sad or happy. Some of the people Eric Weiner interviewed, happiness is a choice.

(Now some people might argue that Joy and Happiness are the same thing and the words could be used interchangeable, but I will argue differently. I see joy as a reflection of something deeper while happiness can come and go. We will save this argument for another day.)

A Sense of Well Being
The NPR series points out that happiness can be attained if we have a positive attitude, engaged at work, fulfilling relationships, meaning and purpose in our lives, a since of accomplishment, and well being which includes good physical health.

So, all that is in one place is a rare deal. Do we have to have all that to be happy? They mentioned that “life is sometimes unfair and we can sometimes be unrealistic.” They also said that “anger is not bad when it is a cause of life’s unfairness.” They said that it is not a “Pursuit of Happiness,” but “Happiness is a Pursuit.” Semantics? Maybe. But it sounded good.

Are You Happy?

So back in November of 2010 our book group got together and talked about this book by Weiner. I loved this book so much that I ear-marked pages and underlined so many great quotes and ideas. I loved that he visited Iceland and I never realized that the country is full of culturally aware people who basically accept people as they are. It definitely warrants a visit to a county I never ever would have ever thought to be a tourist of.

Anyway, we sat in big comfy couches and went around our group and responded to the question of if we thought we were happy or not. My answer was: no. Yes, surprising isn’t it, from basically a joyful person who wasn’t so happy in November.

It got me thinking why I wasn’t happy and as I pondered that question I started evaluating my life and how it effects my well being.

Here is what makes me unhappy:

• unfriendly people like the ones who live in our neighborhood of just-out-of-college young people who have no vested interest in the neighborhood because basically they are moving out just as soon as they get a “real” job. We can take a walk and those passersby’s won’t reply “Hi,” even if we say “Hello” first! That really eeerks me. 
• being overwhelmed with house responsibilities – you know, the dirty bathroom; the stacked dishes in the sink that spills over to both sides of the counter; the endless, bottomless laundry basket that keeps producing dirty clothes; the lawn that needs to be mowed again; the bushes that needs to be trimmed; the dog that needs daily cleaned up after; the constant paper flow; the messes that I clean up but then reproduce again, and on and on. And, yes, it is ME who has to do it all. My boys help a bit, but we can’t keep up. We just don’t invite people over any more, because I can’t keep up with our house!
• clutter. I hate stacks of paper. I hate random stuff on the counter. I like thing put away and I can’t function with clutter.
• a house that is not finished. Oh man, I can’t tell you how discouraging it is when I can’t see the improvements in the house happening quick enough. It has been three years since we have moved into this bonafide, fixer-upper home and we just don’t have the time to fix up. I’ve see houses built in three months. I saw a church re-gutted, repainted, and redecorated for a complete new look in no time at all, but yet we still have that hole in the bathroom wall. It can get discouraging.

So what do we do? Should we let things like the above get us down?

Well, I saw that happiness could be a choice or a conscience decision not to be happy so I started thinking about what makes me happy?

What Makes Me Happy?

• My family. They make me laugh. We have so much fun together and sometimes the boys and I will just dance or just be silly and we have lots of fun. We have a lot of laughter in this house. (So how can I ever be unhappy? Right?)
• Organization. Organization essentially helps in my mental state of mind.
• The color yellow.
• Gerber Daisies.
• A night out writing. Writing gets my thoughts out on “paper” so they don’t stay cluttering up my mind.
• A rainy day.
• A clean organized desk. (Or should I just say, a DESK please!)
• A chunk of chocolate with a chai latte with soy milk while reading a good book.
• Sitting on a hill reading the Bible and spending time in prayer.

In the book, Geography of Bliss, Eric meets a housekeeper in India that always came to work happy. She wore lip stick and a bracelet and hummed while she worked. She lived in the slums with her family. The money she made fed a large family. She could come to work down and out about her “luck” in life, but no, she decided that she was happy and there was no reason to waste time and be less than that. This character in the book has stuck with me more than any other. Can you be happy when circumstances around you are less than desirable?

So what makes you happy? Does organization or lack of it affect you as much as it does me? Please share about your state of happiness and if you think it is a choice.

LinkedIn Discussion: Name one thing that makes you happy. * performing for an audience * early morning with a great cup of coffee * the peace of an early morning - but with Tazo Awake Tea instead of coffee * knowing that I've helped someone * swimming in the ocean * my daughters laughter * when people communicate clearly, openly, and easily * college basketball tournaments * visiting a National park * Applause * being on the water under sail headed to somewhere new * knowing where my cell phone is when I need it * A nice, unexpected surprise * being on the water under sail * a good book * a good economy * the sun * when people show the ability to step outside their own agendas * hearing that an unemployed friend has a new job * taking my dogs to Dog Beach for the day.