My oldest child is nine years old and he does not care what people think of him. He talks loud, he laughs loud, and he shares whatever is on his mind. When I drop him off at school, over the car running, he will shout out, "I love you mom" and proceed to blow me kisses in front of whomever might be passing by. He doesn't care. He was on stage one day and my husband came up to congratulate him and he gave this affectionate, big hug to his dad in front of the entire school. He doesn't care who sees him or what people think. My son is everything I am not. I do care.
His dad gets our two boys ready and takes them to school during the week while I am at work. One day I picked up the boys from school and low and behold the older one is still wearing his pajama shirt. Every morning I put out their clothes for the next day, but somehow he didn't manage to finish dressing. He was wearing his green and yellow plaid shorts and his gray pajama shirt that was wearing thin. The shirt was two sizes too small (and was suppose to be in his brother's drawer) so it was tight and only hit to his waist. It even had Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story on the front waving. I was appalled when I picked him up and I made an unnecessary big deal about it. He didn't care what he was wearing and didn't care that I made such a big deal about it. He says things and does things I would never do and I have to catch myself from stopping him because, really, it doesn't matter (if it doesn't offend and if it is not impolite) and should I make it matter?
Have you seen that 2004 movie, Spanglish, with Adam Sandler and Tea Leoni (I know you are trying to forget you ever saw that movie)? In the movie the two are married and have a child. The mom is a competitor and runs every day, eats right, and tries to do better than everyone else. The daughter is a bit overweight (I guess, she doesn't look it) and the mother buys her clothes too small so the pre-teen will be motivated to loose weight . The house maid takes all the clothes and secretly adjusts them so the daughter can fit in them.
I don't have any girls in the house so I'm not sure how that dynamic works, but it is difficult not to make our issues (the parent) our child's issues.