On Hold

We moved into our house a little over two years ago. We bought the place for a good price right before the house bust, but yet it still was a stretch for our budget. The advantage of the move was that my husband and I would be close to work (he rides his cruiser to work) and the boys would be close to their school and friends (they are “ choiced in” so we were driving a half hour to get them to school and we couldn’t participate in “playdates” with their classmates).

The house was a dump when we bought it. It had been neglected for years. A gentleman lived there who had diabetes and had turned blind. Inside the house lights and plumbing did not work. The rug had been pulled to reveal the wood floor, nails sticking out and all. The outside had dead grass, overgrown bushes, chipped paint that had been faded to another weird color, dirt grime lacing all the windows, and doors and the white edging were caked in black yuck.

First we pulled up the nails, painted the walls, brought in an electrician friend to put in lights and my husband and his friend crawled under the house and fixed the plumbing. That was a lot of work. Then life happened. Our second car was “totaled,” the boys’ sport expenses added up, and money was and is tight. I also just found out that our one and only car needs a new radiator and starter and the labor costs are out the roof.

Two years later and we still have a lot blank walls and our house’s curb appeal is atroshises. I know when parent’s drop their kids off for a play date at our house they must be skeptical. It is a bit embarrassing for me at least. And it doesn’t look like the curb appeal will be approved anytime soon. We still have a laundry list of necessary things to do to make this house seem more like a home.

It is not a sanctuary. There is no place to go here (except my bed) that seems comfortable or feels like an escape from the rest of the world. Our house is on hold. Our sanctuary is on temporary hold. We have a long way to go.

Don’t you feel as if there are periods in your life that are on hold? We wait for our man or woman of our dreams to walk into our life, to get pregnant, to start our career, go back to school and finish our degree, to” due” our time in prison for a crime we did while young and negligent, to make friends while our kids are babies, for time to do our hobbies, to buy a house and stop paying rent, to retire so we can travel and see the world, to have a relationship with God when we get our lives “right.” While we keep our lives on hold, life can happen around us and we can miss out on something great.

I recently saw the movie “Leap Year.” I have seen Amy Adams in “Enchanted,” “Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day,” “Night @ the Museum” as Amelia Earhart, and as Julie in “Julie & Julia” (although I don’t think that was her best work), but I didn’t notice her in “Catch Me if You Can.” I just really like her so I looked her up online and found out a bit about her.

She has worked at Hooters and the Gap. It wasn’t until her movie “Enchanted” at age 33 did she earn her fame. She was married at age 34 and had her first child at age 36. It wasn’t instant for her and it just reminds us that living a “cookie cutter” life is not all that and more. Here is what she has to say about living life on hold:

“Thirty was a big deal for me. It was the age where I reevaluated everything - how I approached life and how I thought about myself. When I look at my 20s, or when I look at any period in my life, I think about how much time I've wasted trying to find the right man. It's like, if I could go back and do it again, I would have taken guitar lessons or something. I would have put my energy into something that paid off in the end, instead of trying to improve myself for men. Oh, the time and the energy, trying to impress somebody who was actually a big jerk, you know? But the truth is, once you have a great man in your life, it allows you - or at least for me - to look at yourself and grow as an individual. And gosh, if I had known I was going to find this, my 20s would have been completely different.”

We learn to live life by living in the moment, not by living tomorrow when it comes. If we keep our lives on hold, then our lives can happen without us even noticing. Our house on hold doesn’t mean my life has to be on hold. Yes, it is not my dream place, and no I don’t feel that comfortable here, but I don’t want to miss out on these precious years with my kids or how close we are to the beach, or the ease of getting them to school and jetting to work. I don’t want to miss out on life lessons and life joys. Maybe in six years our house will finally have curb appeal, but in the mean time I can’t hide it away. I’m doing my best to not be embarrassed and open our house up for parties, barbeque, and play dates. I’m still working on that though. In the meantime, here’s to the here and now and living life today to the fullest.

How is your life on hold? What have you learned from it?

__________________________________________________________

There is a new post each week - to receive the next one in your inbox you can “subscribe” (which is totally free) by clicking here. Enter e-mail address in top right corner.

A Sudden Death

It started with the unexpected death of Heath Ledger on January 22, 2008. My awareness of how fragile our bodies are and that life is such a vapor was brought to my attention by his sudden passing. Heath was suffering from insomnia and not feeling well and took the wrong combination of pills - then his life escaped us in a breath. His passing actually really affected me and I'm not really sure why, because I honestly had only seen him in one of his films (and now in The Dark Knight). I listen to the NPR station in New York so I heard them reporting of his possible death early that day. I was disturbed that his life was gone when he had no intention of leaving us.

Then the beginning of this year I heard that a former co-worker's young adult son had also left this life in a flash. I remember that sweet boy and can't believe that we won't discover what he will "be when he grows up."

Last Friday another life ended suddenly. She was a first grade teacher at my boys' school. My older son had her as his first grade teacher three years ago and my younger son currently in first grade saw her in his class room the day she died. The cause of her death was not released and our minds only race to imagine what really could have happened that dark day after school. Today the children released butterflies and blew bubbles in her memory. Her parents gave their daughter's favorite stuffed animals, the Beanie Babies, to each one of the first grade students and my son named his Dalmatian after her.

On Wednesday we learned of the tragic skiing accident and death of Liam Neeson's wife, Natasha Richardson. She is only three years older than me and her kid's also that much older than my two boys. I couldn't get out of my mind the scene in Love Actually where Liam Neeson plays Daniel, a man who had just lost his wife to cancer leaving behind a son. The part where he cried and his friend, Karen, played my Emma Thompson, comforted him as he "got a grip" about the recent loss of his on screen wife kept running through my mind as a watched a clip of Liam entering the building where they held his wife's wake. It touched home once more. Life is so fleeting and precious.

Yesterday I received an e-mail that a young adult boy in a drama organization, called CYT, had died. He had been cast in a lead role in the 2007 run of the Legend of Pocahontas. The cause of death, once again, was not released. Our speculations on what had happened to such a talented boy had to halt. I didn't know him, but I was aware of the show and the talent of those kids.

The wrong combination of pills, too many pills, a bump on the head, an aneurysm, and a moment of despair and a loss of hope can all cause death in a shattering moment. Where as I see drunks roaming the streets in the wee hours of the morning, walking like zombies half dead, but still alive. We hear of the billions of dollars sold for the drugs that pass our borders yet the threat of death does not stop the intake. I know of someone who has been drinking since he was 18 and now in his 60s he and his girlfriend are intoxicated everyday by 10:00 am. I know another who has been smoking since he was 14, drinking and combining drugs and yet his heart continues to beat. People who have smoked or drank for all their lives continue to live on. Although others take a wrong turn, intake a bad combination of pills, or make a spontaneous decision to take another flight, have left this world in a moment.

Let's stop and appreciate the life that we have. Let us tell our loved ones how much we care for them, take the time to learn more about God, slow our lives down and spend time with our friends, and live life to the fullest.

I have no fear of my own death, because I am confident that I will one day be in the presence of God in heaven. Although TODAY I know that I am able to be with my husband, enjoy my beautiful boys, learn more about God, engage in great conversations with friends, write down my thoughts, and celebrate another day in this life - our here and now.

So, here is to today. Live life to the fullest. Don't postpone what you have always wanted to do for another day. Don't spend your time so busy with stuff that you can't enjoy the people in your life. And please don't spend another day without Jesus in your hearts. Live life to the fullest and do it today.