Borders in Our Lives

I have to admit I was surprised to hear the news that Borders filed bankruptcy last week and are closing 200 stores nationwide. Although, I was initially surprised, I understand how the Kindle and amazon.com have squashed much of their business driving them to such desperation. And, I have to admit, I am guilty of buying books off of amazon.com too, mostly because they offer the cheaper rate of the used version.

Our Local Store Still Open

Our entire family was relieved to find out that the Borders that we go to in Mission Valley was slated to stay open. We went there the weekend after the bankruptcy announcement and the store was full of people buzzing around looking at books and magazines and buying coffee from "Seattle's Best." The store seems to be busy every time we go there and, thus, the reason I was initially surprised of the announcement.

Went to Bookstore The Eve of His Birth
On the eve of my eldest son's birth, my husband and I were looking for something to keep us slightly occupied while we waited for our Sweet Pea to decide to come out of my womb; so we went down the hill to the Borders to pass some time. While we roamed the aisles of books, I started feeling very odd in deed and sat down in one of those big squishy chairs to wait for my husband to come back from perusing the books so we could go back home.

As we walked out of the store my husband saw someone he knew and, being the kind person that he is, didn't say anything about how his wife felt weird inside and needed to go home. So we stood in the parking lot and chatted with this gentlemen; he actually talked the entire time, something about a girl he liked, and I incessantly looked down at my watch while he perpetually talked. When we finally got home and into bed, that night my water broke and my son was born at 6am the next morning. I still walk by that squishy chair and that patch of parking lot where we stood talking to that guy and remember that time when I was laboring at Borders.

He Grew Up In the Store

It is funny that we were in a bookstore the eve of my son's birth because this son loves books. Even as a child he would sit in front of his bookshelf and look through those colorful books one at a time and leave a big mound of books next to him. He didn't really care about the toys in the room, just the books.


That same Borders is also the very one I would continue to take my son for the children's book reading and singing. The gal who read every week to this big group of kids, was so animated and fun, that I even started inviting my friends to it.

It is also the same bookstore that my husband took our son to the midnight release of Harry Potter #7, where people from all ages came as Rita Skeeter, Dobby, Sirius Black, and Dumbledore and they played trivial pursuit over the loud speaker and bleary eyed teens sat down in the corners of the store to read the new release.

As Time Goes By

Yes, this little boy is now 12 years old (well next month) and he still loves books and, yes, the Borders in Mission Valley is still his all time favorite store, even more than GameStop or Best Buys. This Borders is also the same one that my son goes to redeem his gift cards or to spend his allowance. He now has a large collection of precious books at home and he would rather have a book in hard back cover than in soft.

This weekend we went back to the store and it was bit of a rude awakening when my almost 12 year old didn't venture to the back corner where the children's section is located. He now keeps to the Young Adults section. He flits from here to there, from one aisle to another searching for his perfect next read.

We were sad to hear of the loss of 200 Borders in the nation, but we are also very delighted that our neighborhood store is staying put.

Has a bookstore or a library become part of your life? And, on a side note, do you own a Kindle? Happy Reading!

A Little Peek Into What I've Been Working On

If you didn't already know, I am currently working on a novel. I thought it was about time that I share more about this book with you. Here it is in a nut shell:

Nice to Meet You Marcos
(available for preview, hopefully, later in 2011)

This book has two main characters who couldn't be farther apart economically as well as geographically, living on opposite sides of the city.

Evelyn consumed with eating right, daily exercise, and the latest fashion is also opinionated and would do just about anything to advance in business. She works at a large firm and is determined to take her boss' job by the end of the year. Her husband is at the end of his medical internship and together they live an easy life of simple luxury.

At age 20, Santiago provides for this family the only way he knows how, by trading drugs. Caught up in the Mexican mafia he lost sight of the world around him but he did what he could to make sure his family was cared for at any cost. His family, broken in so many ways, leads Santiago in a hopeless situation. It is his comrade, Ruben, who would keep by his side through thick and thin.

Although Evelyn and Santiago's lives were extreme from each other and their paths never cross, both their lives were changed by one little boy named Marcos.

So, what do you think? Would you read this book?

Rituals

This week we have a special contributor, Phyllis Hartigan, who shares with us her, "This I Believe" article that she wrote in response to a challenge she gave her book group to write their own based off the NPR book they recently read, "This I Believe." This book is based off of a 1950s version of a radio program of the same name which "prompted Americans to briefly explain their most cherished beliefs, be they religious or purely pragmatic." The current contributions to the book is different than the later because they included submissions from ordinary Americans from all walks of life. Phyllis shares with us her passion for rituals.

"I Believe in Ritual"
by Phyllis Hartigan

I believe in ritual.

I believe in the power of creating meaningful celebrations to mark transition and to express compassion in a real and tangible way.

I will never forget the moment I read the letter from my oldest sister Dale, saying that after nearly five years of remission, her breast cancer had returned, and had spread to other parts of her body. I was paralyzed with fear. I wanted to call her, to reach out, but I wasn’t sure what to say.

Over the next few days, my mom and four other siblings - along with their spouses and children - made plans to travel to Denver where Dale lived with her husband and two young sons for a long weekend together. It struck me that this trip had to be meaningful; that each of us would want to say and do just the right thing to let Dale know how much we cared. I knew it would be difficult to express my feelings, and I wondered if it would be possible to avoid inevitable family tensions.

I knew that Dale wanted more than anything to survive. And at that moment, I knew for sure that I had to create a special time during the weekend for all of us to come together to express the depth of our hope for her. I would plan what I know now to call a ritual.

In preparing, I read that rituals can create a way to focus energy for a specific purpose, such as healing, transition or celebration. I found out that in ancient society, ritual was used to carry people across difficult thresholds of transformation and that even today rituals can be meaningful signposts that point the way to human growth and change.

I learned that the detailed planning of a ritual is important. My first step was to set the intention or purpose, then to make a plan, choose symbols and even write an outline. It would be important for Dale to take part and for all participants to know ahead of time what to expect. I believe that following these steps set the tone not only for the ritual, but for the weekend, and fostered a sense of intimacy within my family I had never experienced.

We held what we called a “Fire Ceremony” that included all 19 children and adults. We met in my sister’s living room around the fireplace. We started by taking turns lighting candles, each one representing a family member. Next, each of us had prepared ahead a sheet of paper with a message, wish, prayer or simply a drawing to express our healing intention for Dale. With the understanding that fire represents transformation and that burning can release or send out our wish, we each took our turn to read, explain, or simply show her what we had prepared, and then placed our paper on a wooden skewer and into the burning fire. When it was her turn, Dale shared a drawing of herself in the future, sitting with her grandchildren – then bravely placed it in the fire to manifest what was her greatest wish. To close, Dale chose to play the song “thanks a lot” by children’s songwriter Raffi.

Afterwards, I felt as if old wounds were healed and past mistakes forgiven. I felt closeness with Dale and my family. I was proud of all us- especially Dale- for embracing the ritual and trusting the process.

I write this essay today to honor and mark the seven year anniversary of my sister’s death. In the end, our ritual did not save her. It did not - as I had at first imagined - change the outcome of her fight with breast cancer.

So what of ritual? Was the fire ceremony nothing more than a desperate reaction to fate, tragic and inexplicable? Or, by taking the time to come together and imagine the possibility of recovery, to formally express love and support for a dear sister at an important crossroads, did we not enrich ourselves and the lives of those around us?

I believe in the words of Joseph Campbell, that “the level of civilized behavior in a society is directly linked to the practice of Rites of Passage.” I believe in taking the time to create meaningful celebrations for loved ones as they journey through life’s most joyful and difficult transitions; I believe that rituals are the touchstones of the human experience.

END

There are many ways we can have rituals in our lives, from watching the rituals performed in the recent inauguration to the rituals we follow when we take a shower or come home from work. There might be more meaningful rituals we perform which has passed through our family through traditions. I had to look it up, but the difference between rituals and traditions is that a ritual can be performed every day or year after year, but traditions is "the passing down of elements of a culture from generation to generation..." or "a mode of thought or behavior followed by a people continuously from generation to generation." What are your views of rituals and what rituals do you have in your life?